I got a new comment the other day on this post from over a year ago, and I thought it might be fun to revisit the ol' assclown topic. To refresh all your memories, and for those who have arrived here since then, recall that an emotionally unavailable assclown is someone who messes with your head by dipping into and out of your life without ever stepping up and committing to a real relationship. Just when you think you might be rid of such a clown, he has a pesky little habit of dropping into your life and blowing hot: texting, sexting, wanting to meet up, wanting to spend the night, pretending you used to be in a real relationship until something inexplicably went wrong that was probably your fault, and so on. and then as soon as you respond to these overtures, he's GONE. And so on and so forth.
The new comment I got was this:
Any advice for an assclown who wants to reform???
That's a very interesting question, because you'd think if you a) knew you were an assclown, and b) wanted to stop being an assclown, then how hard would it be to stop pretending you may potentially want a relationship you don't actually want and just get on with it? However, as I said in the old post on this topic, an assclown is deeply insecure and he does this to anybody he can. It's not just a question of doing it to one person whom he happens not to like all that much. It's about doing it as a way of life, because he is bored and/or unhappy and needs to keep himself entertained and his ego massaged.
If assclownery is your way of life and you really want to change, well, rather than tell you what you can do that will make you want to change, which I really don't know what that would be, why don't you try forcing yourself to just stop? It doesn't matter what you want to do. No more texting, no more sexting, no more faking that you have a future with someone when you know you don't, no more pretending what happened between you and someone else didn't really happen the way it did, no more surrounding yourself with ego strokers. If you already know you're acting like a clown, presumably you're self-aware enough that you can stop without extensively pretending what you're doing is ok. Just stop.
If you stop, maybe you'll be able to figure out whay your self-esteem is so low that you felt like you had to seek attention from people whose self-esteem was as low as yours. Or maybe you won't. But if you really, truly quit the assclownery, you probably will.