Something that I've been noticing lately (actually I've been noticing it pretty much since the day I was born but, you know, also lately) is that it seems like everyone on the planet has these, like, skills that I don't have, and they all apparently have nothing better to do than to call attention to my lack of said skills. For example, I try not to run on the treadmill when anyone else is looking because they all tell me that the way I'm doing it will never help me lose weight. I also try not to put my clothes in the washing machine when anyone else is around to see me because then I'm going to get a whole thing about how you can't mix lights and darks, and you can't overfill the thing, and you're only using that much soap?!, and have you noticed how the way you're doing it makes your clothes come out all linty?
Now ordinarily I would conclude that everyone else is obviously just out of their minds. However, I suppose I do have to admit it is quite true that my clothes are often lintier than other people's. It is also true that other peoples' homes don't seem to be littered with like random mail they get, as I admit mine is, because they all apparently have skills known as "filing skills" which allow them to create an elaborate system in which they store this mail - like one file for bank statements they don't need, one file for God-knows-what from the government they don't need, and so on. There is apparently a designated time (which everyone of course knows) at which point the file gets too big and is therefore partially transferred to another file - and all of this without making a mess in your home at all. In any case, I know all the people don't just throw out all that stuff (even though they don't need it), because the one time I tried to do that someone saw me and said "are you crazy??? You can't just throw out bank statements!!!! You need to file them!!!"
(As for that thing about the treadmill, it did happen once, but who am I kidding, I wouldn't get on a damn treadmill anymore even if God wasn't looking because it never helps you lose weight.)
So I was telling all of this to someone recently and the person in question said to me "Sheesh Jennie, the problem is that you have no common sense."
So what I want to know is this: where does everyone get all this common sense anyway, and why don't I have it? Like what day in school did I miss?