Thursday, October 27, 2011

Monday, October 24, 2011

This Blog Has a Facebook Page...

... which means it now really exists! Could you make my day and, well, like it? Pretty please? Just look to the right.
Thank you muchly.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Getting Fat

Something I've been grappling with lately is the reality that I actually will get fat if I sit on my butt the entire day and exercise no self-conrol in my food-related decision-making. This is a problem because the thing is, when you've got to just study or work or whatever all the time, you don't usually feel like a) going to the gym or whatever it is all these skinny people are doing when you could just go home and watch TV and b) being all like "oh I can't eat that even though I really want to! I'll deprive myself, that's what I'll do! And then tomorrow I'll wake up and work! And then I'll deprive myself again! Yippee!" 

Frustratingly, as with common sense, it seems to me that this is something everyone has all worked out a long time ago as I keep getting asked, by people whom I keep thinking seem normal, whether I want to go hiking. Or biking. Actually, someone even asked me recently if I want to go on a bike ride all the way to a different neighbourhood

I mean, for chrissakes, can we please start small? What do I look like, Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Wedding Invitations

I told you here that I have a recurring fantasy about being interviewed on CBC Radio, and then I posted the whole imagined interview for you here. Since I had a major attack of egomania over how funny at least a few of you said you thought that was, I gave myself a little challenge to come up with something that was at least like three times more embarrassing than imagining myself being interviewed. So I very sincerely hope you will be tickled to hear that I often also fantasize about how, when the future time comes, my wedding decor will look. Yeah I know, nobody does that. And nobody watches those stupidass wedding-planning shows on TLC. Especially not me.

Anyway, since I'm a hipster-in-denial I was thinking something suitably hipster-in-denial-ish like comic books would be cool to have around and sort of use as a motif, like all stuck together to make tablecloths or something. And then the invitations would be in comic book style, and the thank you cards, and there could be fake flowers in vases on the table made out of like felt and buttons or something that I would order from, because I'm hipster-in-denial like that. To date I've actually never either bought anything from nor read a comic book, but that's because I'm saving myself if you'll excuse the pun.

I'd say I've spent a lot of time over the course of my life thinking about this. In fact, my entire undergraduate experience was pretty much  spent alternating between imagining my napkin colours and wondering why in the hell nobody wanted to date me.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Common Sense

Something that I've been noticing lately (actually I've been noticing it pretty much since the day I was born but, you know, also lately) is that it seems like everyone on the planet has these, like, skills that I don't have, and they all apparently have nothing better to do than to call attention to my lack of said skills. For example, I try not to run on the treadmill when anyone else is looking because they all tell me that the way I'm doing it will never help me lose weight. I also try not to put my clothes in the washing machine when anyone else is around to see me because then I'm going to get a whole thing about how you can't mix lights and darks, and you can't overfill the thing, and you're only using that much soap?!, and have you noticed how the way you're doing it makes your clothes come out all linty?

Now ordinarily I would conclude that everyone else is obviously just out of their minds. However, I suppose I do have to admit it is quite true that my clothes are often lintier than other people's. It is also true that other peoples' homes don't seem to be littered with like random mail they get, as I admit mine is, because they all apparently have skills known as "filing skills" which allow them to create an elaborate system in which they store this mail - like one file for bank statements they don't need, one file for God-knows-what from the government they don't need, and so on. There is apparently a designated time (which everyone of course knows) at which point the file gets too big and is therefore partially transferred to another file - and all of this without making a mess in your home at all. In any case, I know all the people don't just throw out all that stuff (even though they don't need it), because the one time I tried to do that someone saw me and said "are you crazy??? You can't just throw out bank statements!!!! You need to file them!!!"

(As for that thing about the treadmill, it did happen once, but who am I kidding, I wouldn't get on a damn treadmill anymore even if God wasn't looking because it never helps you lose weight.)

So I was telling all of this to someone recently and the person in question said to me "Sheesh Jennie, the problem is that you have no common sense."

So what I want to know is this: where does everyone get all this common sense anyway, and why don't I have it? Like what day in school did I miss?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Another Post Giving Dating Advice That I'm Unqualified To Give

After I got this exciting request for advice about five or so months ago, I must admit I was overtaken by fantasies of becoming the next Dear Abby. However, I received no further requests for advice and felt my fantasy wither away when it had barely just begun... until now, that is. Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Hi Jennie,
I'm a reader of your blog and am hoping you have some words of encouragement for me. I'm a single twentysomething guy, and I've been part of the online dating scene for a while now, but never had much attention from potential dates. The last time I had a chance with a girl online, I somehow got too close and drove her away. I currently have the attention of someone else, but I'm worried that I'll make the same mistake again. How can I maintain interest in her without getting overly close?

-The Canadian Loner (hey, if you ask me something I'll let you pick your pseudonym too! Dear Abby doesn't even let you do that. At least I don't think so.)

So here is what I have to say to Mr. Canadian Loner.

Dear CL,
When you say you have the attention of someone else, do you mean someone else whom you have never met? Look, I know it feels like you've met, but have you in fact met? And even if you've met, have you met more than once? More than twice? What I am asking, in short, is this: do you know this girl?

I have said before (here and here) that I am not the biggest fan of online dating, and one of the reasons is that talking to people online can easily breed a premature and ultimately false sense of intimacy. It is easy to tell someone a lot about yourself, and to hear a lot about her in return, and to think this means you must know each other, when in fact you don't because if you have not gotten to know each other in person, you don't know each other. This means that when (if) you finally do get to know each other, the connection that appeared to be there online may not be there in real life. This doesn't mean you did something to scare the other person away, but just that you pinned your hopes on something that never existed because it was only ever in cyberspace (i.e. your imagination).

That aside, I must say I am saddened and concerned about the sort of language you are using to describe your experiences: "the last time I had a chance," "I somehow got too close and drove her away," "I currently have the attention of someone else." Why CL, do you by any chance think you're not good enough for love? Have you fallen into the sordidly popular trap of thinking that if you could only behave in just the precisely right way, you could make anyone want you? This is not true, you know. Some people are simply not for you. Trust me, you would see it eventually. These people do you a favour when they don't waste too much of your time.

So by all means, meet this girl before you spend a lot more time talking to her online, and try to get to know her in person. But if she is resistant, just let it go without looking to pin it on something you did. She's not the last woman on earth, you know, and she is not for you if she doesn't make you feel genuinely comfortable.

(By the way, you should only be pursuing relationships with people who make you feel genuinely comfortable. And for goodness sakes, please make an effort to differentiate between feeling comfortable and having a case of the hot sweats.)

Best wishes and much xox,