Friday, March 4, 2011

He's Just Not That Into You

In my quest to tell you what I think of all popular dating advice, I figured I had better include this book since it's popular enough to have inspired a terrible movie. If you've read this or this, you will know that I am not a fan of either The Rules or the rules of the game, so I was fully expecting to thoroughly hate He's Just Not That Into You as well.

Well, I have some issues with this book, and I will tell you what they are presently. That being said, the main point of it, which will be described below, is excellent. And although the target audience of this book is heterosexual women, it is quite clear to me that the principle transcends gender and sexual orientation.

But of course, I've got to give you my list of grievances:

1) The title. Here's how I would have put the aforementioned main point of the book, which I just said was excellent: "Do not waste your time dating or attempting to date someone who has already demonstrated to you that he/she will not meet your needs." Here's how the authors of the book put it: "He's just not that into you." Now, I know the way I said it wouldn't sell shit, but I don't like the way they said it because it suggests that the problem is with you personally, or at least with the person's interest level in you.

Perhaps he's not that into you. Or perhaps he's a jerk who would mess with anyone. Or perhaps he is obsessed with three different girls. Or perhaps you and he are just not right for each other. Or perhaps... well, who cares? He (or she) won't meet your needs, so that's all you need to know. Walk away.

2) The first chapter. The first chapter in this book is "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out." The following is a direct quote from this chapter:

"Many women have said to me, 'Greg, men run the world.' Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out?"

That's absurd, in my informed opinion. However much you may like your would-be boyfriend, he does not personally run the world. And even if he does, that does not mean he would just call you up and ask you out. He would wait for the opportune moment to talk to you. He would try to hang out alone with you without being too obvious about it, whilst you are doing the same thing. And then, when it was clear that it was there, it would happen! You would be together!

As you can see, I have no real expertise, only an incredibly elaborate fantasy life. But even my fantasy life doesn't care who asks who out. My fantasy life cares that we like each other. That's all.

3) The ninth and eleventh chapters. The ninth chapter is called, "He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared on You" [i.e. without telling you the relationship was over] and the eleventh is called "He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak."

I have a different take on this. If he's disappeared on you without actually breaking up with you, the problem is in fact that he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak. So forget him because of that, not because he's just not that into you.

4) Other things, but this post is already really long. Anyway, Do Not Waste Your Time Dating Or Attempting To Date Someone Who Has Already Demonstrated To You That He/She Will Not Meet Your Needs. Coming soon to a bookstore near you.


  1. Jennie, Jennie - I have never read this book, but it MASSIVELY IRRITATES ME in a way which I find it difficult to even put into coherent words. even your short summary of your grievances with it has got me riled, mainly for some of the obvious issues you've pointed out above.

    having said that, I would like to know why you think it's overall good! xx

  2. Well done Jennie!

  3. Jennie, I love your blog!


  4. Truth be told, I haven't actually read the whole book - but I did glance through it at Chapters and from what I could tell, it all seemed so obvious as to be almost offensive. I recall something like "he's just not that into you if he's sleeping with someone else." Uhhhh... what kind of moron needs a book to tell them that?
    In all fairness though, I haven't read the whole thing... so tell me something about why you actually like it!