You may be familiar with the humor website McSweeney's, which has a feature called Open Letters to People or Entities who are Unlikely to Respond. I'm going to shamelessly rip off their idea and post just such an open letter of my own right here:
Dear Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences,
I would like to have a word with you about the two Oscar co-hosts from last night. While he was hosting, James Franco looked quite remarkably like the guys I try to chat up: bored. As for Anne Hathaway, I'll admit I had it out for her from the beginning because I feel threatened by very attractive and successful twentysomething women, so I was actually quite gratified to see that, on the basis of her public speaking skills, one could have been forgiven for confusing her with the Bar Mitzvah boy's girlfriend.
I know that you said you wanted this year's Oscars to be young and hip, but please recall that Billy Crystal, Steve Martin, Ellen DeGeneres, and Jon Stewart have something else in common besides being old and unhip: they're funny.