As I said here, something I know about you that you may not even know about yourself is that you don't like lettuce that much. You know what else that's true about besides lettuce? Clubbing.
This may not be the case if you are in your 30s or older, because then you have hopefully reached a stage in life when you and all your friends can finally admit to each other that you don't like clubbing and never did. But if you are a twentysomething such as myself, everyone you know probably wants to go clubbing all the time, even though nobody actually likes it.
I have preemptively compiled a list of factors that some of you may mistakenly think improves the clubbing experience. Here they are:
1) You are with the right people, a.k.a. your friends.
2) The music is good.
3) You've had a few drinks.
I'll respond to these things one at a time, as follows:
1) Even if you are with your very best and most fun friends, there will be a moment that will last far, far too long during which you will be abandoned on the dance floor by said friends while they all go to get a drink at the same time but in disparate locations. When this happens, you will attempt to awkwardly dance beside the individual with whom you have been abandoned on the dance floor, who happens to be the one person who came along that actually isn't your friend and doesn't even like you very much. You can't abandon this non-friend (who won't make eye contact with you and appears to be just as disconcerted by the situation as you are) since then you'd be an asshole because it's just the two of you. This means you will just have to wait for them to be an asshole and do it first, which will surely happen eventually but could take a good five to ten minutes, during which time you will probably conclude that you shouldn't try to go find your real friends because they don't like you very much either. I'm not saying this has happened to me literally every time I've ever gone clubbing but, well, maybe it has.
2) People of all musical tastes agree with the following: Clubbing music is basically never all good. It tends to be a mix of good and bad at best.
3) If you only like something when you're drunk, that means you don't actually like it.