I was watching a video of a song just now on YouTube, which is Sheryl Crow and Stevie Nicks singing a duet of Sheryl's song "Are You Strong Enough to Be My Man." Whoever owns the video has disabled bloggers from using it (rats). However, you can watch it on YouTube here.
If you watch it, you'll hear Stevie Nicks say when she introduces it that she thinks it's a great song for any women with extreme careers. So I got to wondering whether it's also a good song for any women at all, and particularly, whether it's a good song for me. And I have decided that, although I like this song a lot, it doesn't really suit me all that well. I think for it to suit me better, it would need to be called "Are You Enough of a Fucking Idiot to Be My Man" because I'll drive you nuts. What are some of the things that guys hate again? Talking about feelings? Well, I could talk anyone's ear off and feelings are my favourite subject. What else? Being needy? Please, I could out-needy your ex before you even remember my last name. So really, you'd have to be a huge fucking idiot to be my man.
I was reminded of just how much of a fucking idiot you'd have to be when I was at a comedy club recently. Now there's a certain brand of "guy humor" that has become rather fashionable in the comedy clubs. Maybe I'll talk about that some other time. Anyway, there was this fellow on the stage, who in all honesty looked like a fat slob, and he was complaining about how his girlfriend, or ex-wife, or something, would always want to "talk." And he claimed that he would say something in response to this like, "We talked yesterday when you asked me to take out the garbage, and the day before that when you asked me to wash the dishes," and his girlfriend would say that that's not really talking, and this guy is standing there on the stage in apparently genuine confusion as to how talking about the garbage or dishwashing is different than "really talking."
Then everyone in the place laughed, including all the women. This is something I've noticed as well, that women sometimes pretend to relate to things they can't actually relate to. Ordinarily, I would never express regret that the next World Cup is a long way from now, but at this moment I'm a little regretful because that is the best time to observe this phenomenon. Just attend any World Cup party or outdoor viewing and watch all the ladies there scream and cheer and generally pretend they even know what sport they're watching.
Moving on. So I'm sitting in the comedy club feeling like a complete and total party pooping asshole, because I'm actually thinking something like: "She's right, that isn't really talking." And then the guy on the stage, who is just looking like more and more of a fat slob as the night goes on, starts complaining about how the gf or ex-wife that he's talking about would make a date to have sex with him, like next Saturday or something, and he'd be like, "why does there have to be a date? why can't it just be now?" but she'd be really adamant about having the date. Then next Saturday would roll around and all of a sudden she'd be sick or on her period, so the sex wouldn't happen. And the poor guy, who I'm actually beginning to feel a little sorry for, is clearly utterly bewildered as to why this happens, and everyone in the audience is still laughing, including all the women.
And I'm feeling like just the biggest asshole ever, because I am thinking to myself, well, I do not know why it happens. However, I could posit, on a purely speculative basis, that perhaps it's because she doesn't want to disappoint you by saying she absolutely never feels like having sex with you, but the fact of the matter is, you couldn't turn this girl on if she had an actual light switch affixed to her ass.
So anyway, that's why you'd have to be a total fucking idiot to be my man.